Feeling irritated, afraid or tired does not make you a bad professional. What matters is how you respond: can you respect the other person without abandoning your own needs?
There are five minutes left before closing time. After a day of helping people, handling unexpected problems and finishing tasks, you are mentally preparing to leave. Then a customer comes in. They look around, ask questions and explain that they have not quite decided what to buy.
What is your first impulse? Perhaps you think, “Now? Five minutes before we close, and they do not even know what they want?” Your body may respond before you speak: tight shoulders, shallow breathing, another glance at the clock.
Now comes the more useful question: what would you actually say?
This classroom question contains a lesson in emotional intelligence. Your initial reaction tells you something about your tiredness, frustration or concern about a boundary. Your chosen response determines how you look after the customer and yourself. The clock has not suddenly become your enemy, and the customer may not know how your day has gone.
Emotions do not check your diary
Fear may arrive just before a presentation. Sadness can follow you into a meeting. Irritation often appears after repeated interruptions, when you have little energy left for another demand. Emotional intelligence does not mean being permanently calm or wearing a friendly expression while tension builds inside.
It involves noticing what is happening, understanding the impulse and choosing a response that fits the situation. Researcher James Gross describes emotional regulation as involving the identification of a need to regulate, the selection of a strategy and its implementation. Simply ordering yourself to “calm down” leaves the practical part unfinished. His paper, Emotion Regulation: Current Status and Future Prospects, explains this framework.
Your impulse and your intention may be different
An impulse tries to remove discomfort quickly: end the conversation, prove you are right, leave the task or agree to everything to avoid an argument. Your intention asks a wider question: what outcome do you want, and which values do you want to preserve?
In the shop, you may want to help the customer while respecting the team’s closing time. You could say: “Good afternoon. We have a few minutes before closing, so I can help you compare the main options. If you need more time, we can continue tomorrow and give the decision the attention it deserves.”
This acknowledges the customer, explains the boundary and offers a next step. It requires neither artificial enthusiasm nor an unlimited extension of the working day.
Regulation is more than hiding your feelings
Concealing an emotion and understanding it are different things. You may keep smiling without addressing why you feel impatient. Recognising “I am tired and worried that I will not leave on time” gives you something more useful to work with.
Emotions can offer clues, but they are not proof. Anger may suggest a crossed boundary; fear may point to uncertainty or insufficient preparation. Neither establishes the other person’s motives. You can listen to the feeling without obeying every impulse attached to it.
If last-minute demands happen repeatedly, individual self-control cannot be the entire solution. Closing procedures, staffing and the time allocated to customer appointments may need attention. The European Agency for Safety and Health at Work discusses excessive workloads, ineffective communication and insufficient support among psychosocial risks. Working conditions deserve scrutiny too.
A practical pause before you answer
The Portuguese article uses PAUSA as a memory aid. Treat it as a simple reflection tool, not a clinical treatment or a promise that ten seconds will solve every difficult encounter.
Stop briefly. Hold back the automatic action: sending the message, raising your voice or interrupting. Notice your body. Check your jaw, hands, shoulders and breathing. Slow down. If comfortable, take a gentler breath and allow yourself a moment before speaking.
Separate fact, interpretation and impulse. The fact is that the shop closes in five minutes. “This person does not respect my time” is an interpretation. Getting rid of the conversation is an impulse. Distinguishing them helps prevent an assumption from becoming an accusation.
Respond assertively. Explain the boundary, offer what is possible and identify the next step. Sometimes you can do this immediately. Sometimes it is better to say: “I want to consider this properly. May I get back to you in a few minutes?” Asking for time is useful when you also make a realistic commitment to return.
Assertiveness protects both sides
Emotional intelligence is sometimes confused with unlimited availability. That is a demanding bargain for people used to looking after everyone and avoiding disappointment. Saying yes while resentment grows does not create a sustainable relationship.
A passive response overlooks your own needs. An aggressive response tries to protect them by attacking someone else. An assertive response recognises both sides: “I want to help you, and I also need to respect our closing time.”
You can combine three elements: the reality, the available help and the next step. “We close in five minutes. I can explain the two main differences now. If you would prefer more time, we can continue tomorrow.” Only offer a reservation or follow-up arrangement that your workplace can actually provide.
The same approach works with colleagues. Faced with an unexpected task, try: “To finish this today, I would need to postpone the other delivery. Which takes priority?” You are making the trade-off visible rather than leaving everyone to assume that time expands when management asks nicely.
Customer service does not require accepting abuse
Customer-facing work involves emotional effort. A legitimate question calls for guidance. A complaint requires listening to the facts and explaining what can happen next. Insults require a boundary: “I want to help, but I cannot continue the conversation while I am being insulted.”
If there is a safety risk, seek support and follow workplace procedures. Proving how calm you can remain is not the priority. Emotional intelligence helps distinguish discomfort, disagreement and abuse; it does not turn disrespect into a duty to smile.
What if you have already reacted badly?
Sometimes the pause comes too late. You interrupt, speak sharply or send a message you regret. Emotional competence includes repair, not perfection.
A useful apology acknowledges the impact without making the other person responsible for your behaviour. Instead of “Sorry, but you annoyed me”, try: “I spoke abruptly, and I recognise that it made the conversation harder. The boundary still matters, but I could have explained it respectfully. I am sorry.”
Then examine what happened. What was the first warning sign? What increased the tension? Was a process failing? An apology followed by the same pattern may ease your conscience without rebuilding trust.
Practise before the next difficult moment
Choose one recent encounter. Write down what happened, what you thought, the feeling you noticed and your first impulse. Then identify the need or boundary behind that reaction.
Compare what you actually said with one alternative sentence. Would that sentence explain the situation without accusing someone of bad intentions? Would it protect a legitimate limit? Could you keep the promise it makes?
Rehearse it once. Preparation does not make communication less authentic; it gives you an alternative when pressure makes improvisation difficult. If the same difficulty keeps returning, bring the underlying workload or procedure into the conversation with your manager.
Balance means recovering a choice
At closing time, you may still be tired. The customer may still need to return tomorrow. Yet both of you can leave the encounter with dignity: one received help without pressure, and the other offered it without abandoning a boundary.
That is where emotional intelligence becomes practical. You do not have to swallow every feeling to look professional. You can recognise what you feel, question your interpretation and decide how to act.
Frequently asked questions
Does emotional intelligence mean concealing emotions?
No. It means recognising them and choosing how to express and respond to them in context. A calm appearance alone tells us little about whether the underlying problem has been addressed.
How can I be assertive without sounding aggressive?
Describe the situation, explain the limit and propose a realistic next step. Avoid claims about the other person’s character or motives.
Does professionalism mean staying indefinitely after closing?
Professionalism includes communicating limits clearly. Explain the available time and agree on a feasible continuation within your workplace’s arrangements.
What if a brief pause is not enough?
Ask for more time or support where possible. Repeated overload needs an organisational response as well as individual coping strategies.
Continue reading
Explore emotional intelligence in business and leadership and emotional intelligence. You can also read the Portuguese version of this article.
An emotion may arrive uninvited. Your response can still carry awareness, firmness and humanity.
Negócios com Alma · NEXA360®
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